just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
