I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
