I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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