Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
