We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
