You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
