My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
