Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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