how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
