You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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