I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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