the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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