i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
