yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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