i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
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he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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