And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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