Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
