Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
