Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
