Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
