im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
