If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
