So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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