I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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