There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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