What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
