margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
