the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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