Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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