HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
