My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize