fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
