Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
