I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
