you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
