You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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