My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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