I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
