My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
