In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
