meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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