Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
