True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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