Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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