Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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