HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
