Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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