how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
