Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
