I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
