I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
