ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
