dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
