It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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