you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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