he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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