she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
