3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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