i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
