should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
